Freedom from self

Do you like the way you are programmed to look at  things?

Do you feel spoiled when the things you wished to make your entire life, when you get to finally do them, you are not happy?

Do you like what you should like?

Standing at the door, thousands of bells you have rung, but no one has answered you. That may be the case or may be you are that fool who is holding the wrong address. But you are never going to question yourself, are you?

If you could realize, how you are trying to control your every action; the words you have retold in your mind, so many iterations, that you have finally aligned yourself according to them . You can’t run back now to being the loser, you once were.

But look closely, listen in silence; your spirit is still ranting for freedom. Why do you get the notion to leave everything and run away. Where do you wish to go? Why do you wish to fight?

Your heart thinks beyond your passion, beyond your needs, sometimes, beyond what you can imagine. He desires you to experience the things that only he will like, maybe for you it would be a waste of time but not for him.

Mostly it’s like lose yourself to find yourself. Sometimes, don’t make a decision, let your body float holding the driftwood of reality, see where you land. Live that reality.

Have a passion. Make it worth living for. But along the journey, don’t forget to live.

Let not always your need define what you do. Saving is good, but spending is equally good as well. It’s not always like I’m hungry I need a burger, sometimes it’s also like put some extra cheese on my burger.

For one day, delete that to do list, randomly dial a friend and go, waste some time with him. Don’t plan that Goa trip, just take the train and leave. Let the cold kill you, but if you want to, eat that ice cream.

It’s okay if some doors don’t open for you. Find a journey because in the end that is all it’s all about, a journey. So, if it’s a road, if you can discover it, walk. Take a brief pause to catch your breath. But then, walk you idiot!

It’s also okay to know that you have made the chains. But don’t wear them always at every passing moment.

Free yourself. Freedom is for everyone and from everything, and, from everyone.

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Make a Choice 

Make a choice – they said it. Where has the wind left the boat? You had control of it,  but you still let the wind drive it. You know very little about killing the water. You know very little about the future. You know very little about the choices you are making. But you are in the boat, you got to make the choice.

The sailor boy would always lose his heart when his eyes would fall on the island – a dream so near yet so far. Island – of the animals, of the ghosts, of the explorer.  No one from the village was allowed to go there. The elders never dared and thus, they passed on their fear into the lives they bred. Fear also has a blanket of maturity. The elders say, they know it, as they are the mature ones. None knew maturity is a journey of experiences – it grows and it will always grow for it has no peak. Age has no relation here. 

The world is a generous place to let you live with the choices you make but also know that it is the same who provides you with those options you chose from. Science or commerce, engineer or doctor – choose one. Your art will get time after that…maybe. The boy here was also given the option to become a guide for the tourist or the sailor like his father was. The Island had to wait at least for a lifetime. 

He had to learn to control the boat. He had to learn to live this life. He had to learn to find happiness in it. It was your choice to be the sailor, they said. They were right. But there was a missing desire. If he had to own his choice, he wanted to own it completely. 

 His earnings went to buy a new boat for himself. All have seen the potential in the boy and they all gathered to see the first journey of the boat in the water. They saw it go far and disappear. They waited and waited. The boat did not return and so the boy. 

The boy had made his own choice. This time, though his choice wasn’t provided to him, he made one for himself. He was in the water to meet the island. Don’t believe the journey is easy, but your belief in your choice will get you through it. Difficult is the water you sail in. Sometimes the wind blows in your direction and sometimes it’s a slap in your face. But, you know, you asked for it. 

The boy did step his foot on the island.  Life after that should be kept unknown or else how will you make a choice. Right or wrong, the boy had to live with it.

Choices – they just don’t belong to your wish, your idea, your dream, they connect to your life. Make a wish. Make that your choice. Got some time? Live by it.

Corporate Smiles

The pain between the shoulders,

the smile beneath the smile,

the wink pinching the lips,

Eyes still trying to meet that curve.

What you wish is not your piece,

the unexpected is the treat.

Somewhere amid the rules,

there still exists regulations for smiles,

for which some place is in the mind.

What touches the soul,

is the pureness of delight.

The connections you make,

is the illusion of social time wave.

The blind sees the white between the reds,

the idea always blinks the eyes.

I admire the black

for its beauty not to be seen,

like I admire corporate smiles

for their beauty only to be seen.

The Perfect Imperfection

They breathe the pure oxygen.

Their smile has the perfect curve.

They wear the dress code.

They always comb to the right.

They see in the eye.

They calculate the lunch.

In the crowd, they search the light.

But when alone,

they do think about the idea of being a machine

They search for the flying wings.

In the pages of memory, they search for the line of smile,

the line with the elements of craziness.

They find broken toys

but the hands that repaired them have no trick left.

They walk in the streets to search the hidden.

They walk to find the child in them.

On the streets are the people who lost the game

but still hold the beer in hand.

How the loose tie looks good on them !

They still wonder, they still wonder…

why the people walking up on the down elevator

are more happy than they ever could be !!

To the Apathetic Soul

There’s a life to your right.    

Can you feel the breath?

Can you feel the heat?

More or less, can you feel the pain?

Can you hear the cry for help?

Is that your name?

Or is that a name of a human?

More or less, are you a human?

Do you help the blood or the one bleeding?

Is your blind eye on the reason?

Or is it on the person in need?

Is that a person or an animal?

More or less, is that a life?

Is violence around you or inside you?

But do you doubt its existence?

Do you see those eyes in the dark?

Now, can you find the light?

More or less, can you be the light?

When you find the fallen, help the hand stand!!

A Flying Bird

I woke up next to me,

just to see this guy,

who got an idol to admire,

becoming the twinned version of that lie,

is he on the road of sure-fire?


He runs with burthen of dreams,

 not of his but the family, the world, the universe,

them, who made him drain all his desires,

he no longer gets tired for himself,

what he does, what he will do,

is all seen in the eyes of others.


Running to be the hero she wishes,

only to support the idea of happiness in a person,

how true he proves the love is,

when he kisses the change that came along,

 the change which requires a mask ,

 but wait, 

in that mask, can he see the change in his own smile?


To bring out the one who is lost ,

I had to wake up next to me,

just to realize,

there’s a different story in me, about me,

that is what even I do not agnize,

there is much more to me than I think of,

‘A flying bird’ is what I recognize.

What if you had wings and they, yes they tell you to not to fly because they don’t like it, they don’t want you to, it’s dangerous….would you still fly?

The Perfect Husband

One who does good is good. But one who doesn’t do bad  is not necessarily good.  A fine line separates the  bad and the good. To see it, one must not be wearing the specs of society but use his own eyes.

“The girl was raped,” read the husband from the newspaper,“ what has happened to this world? What kind of people is this… how can they even think of such horrible act?”

The wife wasn’t much interested. Her eyes were fixed on the papers in her bag.

“What are those papers,” asked the husband.

“Nothing. Just some work papers.”

“Yeah…work- that’s all you care about these days, right? I like a good husband allowed you to work and now you …”

“Yeah, allowed.”

“What?”

“Nothing. You were saying..”

“I wish you to support me. I want you to stand by me while I chase my dreams. You know, just support me instead of being busy all the time in your work.”

“I want to be with you. But, just that these days I have a little pressure of work.”

“So, this shitty work of yours is more important than me. So, last night also, because of this work, you did all that drama.”

“Last night… let’s just not talk about that.”

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Last night.

 He worked. She worked.

He finished. She didn’t.

 He asked her to join him in bed. She refused to let her work.

He couldn’t wait. She was still not ready. 

He forced her in….He forced her in.

 She let it all go again.

 It is the repetition of everyday’s past.

The sleep arrived.         

 He accepted it. She didn’t.

A tear slid through her eyes, the cheek, to meet the pillow.

 “Only one tear tonight,” she said.

She got up to complete the work she left.

—————————

  There are some who doesn’t know they do bad. Some even project the bad as the good. And that’s where the problem lies.

—————————

Office office. The day is not all bad for you. You are promoted.

“ Thanks.”

Looking at the promotion letter, she slowly sat down on her chair with a big smile. The same smile reflected in the screen of her computer in front. She watched that smile too. How happy she was! How beautiful that smile was! How beautiful that reflection of the smile was! But wait something was happening. That smile was changing. It’s the mind. A thought just crashed in. What thought?  It says if she gets promoted, her salary would become more than that of her husband’s. Oops. Tension Tension.

The smile slowly fade away; She watched that too in that screen. She again smiled and again slowly converted it to that sad face curve. She repeated it again and again. She was actually trying to figure out how her happiness is limited because of that one person who is supposed to be ‘The Happiness’.

Do you believe? Do you believe in you?  Do you believe -‘You’ is your happiness? Do you believe in Dreams? Do you believe – Dreams are for everyone?

—————————

Home, Sweet home – they did say this a few times initially.

“Hey, on our first anniversary, our society has kept this award thing. They are going to give me the title of ‘The Perfect Husband’. You know, because of all the good things I, my family did – like not taking dowry, allow you to work and all that stuff. It’s like I’m setting an example,” said the husband.

“Again the word is right allow.”

“What?”

“Those things…You just did not do bad.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said. And by the way, you forgot your bag at home… you said it had some work papers”

“No, they are not work papers. I wanted to give it to a person from a long time. You know that person who rapes me over and over again.”

“What? What are you saying?”

“It’s YOU.”

“We are married. You are my..”

“ Not your property, not your asset.

And it’s called Marital Rape, Mr. Perfect husband. ”

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Marital Rape is not punishable under IPC . The humdrum reason is the so-called ‘culture’- it’s believed that such a concept would weaken the institution of marriage. However, a rapist is a rapist, even if he is holding the title of husband of the victim. The de facto or the de jure – that is what one has to figure out. This country needs to first accept that marital rape is real – it exists. In such a marriage, there is no love left. There is lust for one and pain for other. And that pain is like a loop – she goes through it every day and when the entire concept is obscure in the world she lives, it is hard to find a way out. But there is a need for that loop to be broken; to understand the severity of the issue; to accept its existence. Sexual coercion against a woman is an act of the criminal. A ‘no’ means a ‘no’.

One day, she believed this world is beautiful. This world is us. Now, are you going to let that be a lie?